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Sydney Harbour Hospital: Zoe's Baby
Alison Roberts
Welcome to the world of Sydney Harbour Hospital From saving lives to sizzling seduction, these doctors are the very best!Sydney Harbour Hospital: Zoe’s Baby To single mum Zoe Harper, trying to be the best mother ever to beautiful baby Emma is a challenge – until gorgeous paediatrician Teo Tuala comes to her rescue.Behind his larger-than-life personality he’s wary of letting anyone close, but Zoe and her baby’s plight are breaching the barriers around his heart…
Dear Reader
I love being part of a continuity series. Not only do I get to work with some fabulous authors, but often there’s a bit of a challenge involved. This might be from weaving threads of other stories into my own, or it might come from the characters and their backgrounds that I’ve been given to work with.
This story gave me a new area to explore. In fiction, that is. I don’t think there’s anybody whose life has not been touched in some way by the darkness that is depression. It could be a brief acquaintance, or long enough to present one of life’s more difficult challenges. It could be ourselves, or someone that we’re close to.
This is Zoe’s story, and it begins after her world has turned upside down because of postnatal depression. She is lucky enough to meet Teo and their story is … Well, you can judge for yourself. It involves hope, of course, and that’s the key to getting out of the dark. Hanging on to hope. It’s there and it’s real, and if you can hold it close to your heart it will grow.
What better way to find a lovely big piece of hope than through the journey of a romance that has the promise of a happy future?
With love
Alison
About the Author
ALISON ROBERTS lives in Christchurch, New Zealand. She began her working career as a primary school teacher, but now juggles available working hours between writing and active duty as an ambulance officer. Throwing in a large dose of parenting, housework, gardening and pet-minding keeps life busy, and teenage daughter Becky is responsible for an increasing number of days spent on equestrian pursuits. Finding time for everything can be a challenge, but the rewards make the effort more than worthwhile.
Recent titles by the same author:
THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
THE TORTURED REBEL*
THE UNSUNG HERO*
THE HONOURABLE MAVERICK*
*Part of The Heart of a Rebel trilogy
These books are also available in ebook format from www.millsandboon.co.uk
Sydney Harbour
Hospital:
Zoe’s Baby
Alison Roberts
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
For Linda, with much love. And Queenscliff. The combination that made this story a joy I will never forget.
CHAPTER ONE
NOTHING had changed.
Zoe Harper released the breath she hadn’t realised she’d been holding, in a sigh of pure relief. The sound went unheard thanks to the wail of the siren outside the vehicle she was in.
It could have been yesterday she’d done her last shift as an intensive care paramedic instead of … goodness, how many months ago was it?
Too many.
Enough to have made her afraid that it would feel different. Be impossible, even, given the changes in her life since then. That what had seemed a brave decision could turn out to be disastrous and that it might even send her life tumbling back into a place so awful it was too terrifying to contemplate.
But this was good.
Better than good.
�Traffic’s a nightmare.’ Her crew partner for the day, Tom, leaned on the air horn and tried to manoeuvre the ambulance through a narrow gap. �Bet you wish you’d stayed home with the baby a bit longer, eh?’
Being at home with five-month-old Emma instead of heading towards a multi-vehicle pile-up on the south entrance to the Grafton Bridge?
�No way.’ Zoe grinned at Tom. �Bring it on.’
She meant every word.
There was more than relief to be found here.
There was hope.
This was an opportunity to step back into the life she’d always chosen for herself. To shut the door, albeit temporarily, on what had become her new life. But it was about more than simply a job. This was the chance to find out if the person she’d always believed herself to be still existed.
Working at Australia’s premier teaching hospital on the shores of Sydney harbour might be a dream come true but the hospital’s central location didn’t help when it came to traffic hassles after a consult at one of the suburban hospitals.
And while this new car was superb to handle and its leather upholstery supremely comfortable, no sports car on earth was designed for somebody who was six feet four with the build of a well-conditioned rugby player.
Teo Tuala flexed his shoulders and neck as the traffic inched forward and then came to another complete halt. He could see the flashing lights of emergency vehicles up near the bridge and now he could hear the chop of rotors from an approaching helicopter getting steadily louder.
If they were calling for air transport, it must be a fairly serious accident. Maybe they could use some assistance. Being in the left lane, Teo was able to nudge his sleek car out of the queue of vehicles and onto the motorway shoulder. He flicked his hazard lights on and got out of the confined space. A police officer, edging his way through the traffic jam on a motorbike, swerved into the space he’d created.
He was shaking his head. �You can’t park there, mate.’
�I’m a doctor,’ Teo responded. �Thought they might be able to use a hand up there.’
The young officer’s expression changed. �Hop on,’ he offered. �I’ll get you on scene.’
Teo could see why the traffic was so disrupted as he got closer. Three vehicles were involved. One was upside down and partially crushed. Another was wedged between the upside-down car and the bridge supports. The third car was being towed from where it was blocking another two lanes of the highway.
Firemen were using pneumatic equipment to cut into the vehicles. The helicopter was hovering directly overhead, looking for a place to land. There was a background wail of additional emergency service vehicles approaching the scene from the opposite direction. The noise was overwhelming and yet Teo could still hear the shrieks of a terrified person who seemed to be trapped in one of those cars.
And it sounded like a small person.
A quick visual scan of the scene revealed the most senior ambulance officer amongst the knot of police and fire service personnel. The fluorescent vest with �Scene Commander’ on the back was being worn by a woman.
Teo stepped closer. �Hey, there …’
The woman ignored his greeting. Her attention was still directed to a young, far more junior ambulance officer.
�Have you got access to the back seat?’
�The firies are working on that. That door’s jammed as well.’
�And she’s trapped?’
�Yes. Her leg’s caught under the dash.’
�Get a C collar on her and keep her still until we can extricate her. Stay in the back seat and keep her head immobilised.’
�Zoe?’
The scene commander’s head swivelled even further from where Teo was standing as another male paramedic approached. The movement, under the early morning sunshine, sent flickers of colour like small flames through her hair. She had pale skin, he noted, with a scattering of freckles on her nose and the top of her cheeks.
�What’s up, Tom?’
�We need you. Oxygen saturation levels on the driver are dropping and there’s a kid in a car seat in there as well that we can’t get to. Too tight a squeeze for me. The firies reckon they’ve got the wreck stable. Thought you might be game to crawl underneath.’
The nod came without the slightest hesitation that Teo could detect. �What status is the child?’
�Can’t tell. The seat’s upside down and the roof is badly dented on that side. I can see an arm. I reckon it’s a toddler more than a baby.’
�I’m a paediatrician,’ Teo cut in. �Can I be of any assistance?’
She looked at him now. Green eyes were assessing him rapidly but with keen attention. He had the impression that he’d passed some kind of test. Pulling off her vest, she handed it to Tom. �Take over scene control,’ she told him. �There’re two more trucks responding and we should be able to start transporting using the northern lanes. The police are clearing an area for the chopper to get down but we’ll keep them on standby until we know what’s happening with the rolled car.’
She pulled another vest from a container labelled �Major Incident’ and handed it to Teo. �Put this on,’ she ordered. �And come with me.’
This vest had �Doctor’ on the back. It was a tight squeeze for his large frame but Teo got it on as he followed Zoe. It took only seconds to get amongst the knot of fire officers working on the vehicle. Teo had to watch his feet as he stepped over the thick black cables that connected the cutting gear to the power generators. A blanket marked a patch of ground where a paramedic kit was opened beside a life pack and an oxygen cylinder. Tubing from the cylinder was attached to a bag mask unit being held over the face of the driver by another ambulance officer. A policewoman was holding a bag of IV fluid aloft, its tubing snaking in through the broken window.
�Any change?’ Zoe queried.
�Sats down to 95. BP’s still dropping. Ninety-five on 60 now. We should be able to get her out any minute.’
Zoe’s nod was curt. �I’ll assess her for intubation as soon as she’s clear.’ She turned to Teo. �Stay here,’ she commanded. �I’m going to take a few seconds to see if I can get to the child. If it’s alive, we’ll get it out and I’ll hand over to you. The driver’s status 1 and I’ll need to focus on her.’
Teo knew that meant the victim was in a life-threatening situation. Was it the child’s mother? Was the child badly hurt as well? Teo normally saw his patients in the well-controlled environment of a paediatric ward or sometimes the emergency department. This was the first time he’d been on scene in a situation like this. The tension was palpable. The working conditions were astonishing—so many people, so much noise, the smell of fuel and hot metal. How hard would it be to focus?
He watched the redheaded paramedic having a short but intense conversation with a fire officer. She jammed a hard hat onto her head and then lay down, edging herself beneath the wreck of the car’s chassis.
Teo felt his breath leave his body in a silent whistle. Not only was it a challenge to focus in this kind of environment but these people were clearly willing to put themselves at considerable physical risk as well. This would be impressive at any time but the actions of this woman called Zoe were positively mind-blowing.
Because she was female?
Teo was ashamed to have to admit that was partly true but there was more to it in this case. Maybe it had something to do with this particular woman. With her striking colouring and those unusually obvious freckles on her skin that made her seem … younger? More vulnerable?
It wasn’t a word he should even think of associating with a person who was clearly in command of such an intense situation but, oddly, it stuck somewhere in the back of his head as he stood there, his gaze fixed on the steel-capped black boots he could see protruding from this side of the vehicle. They were moving. Turning as Zoe was positioning herself inside what had to be an impossibly small space to work in. He could hear the muffled, shouted conversation she was having with firemen on the other side of the wreck.
They repositioned their equipment. The �jaws of life’ were used to cut through a central pillar on that side of the car and metal was being peeled back like the top of a spaghetti can. Teo’s view was obstructed by the wheels of the wreck and then by the surge of rescuers that moved in. There was more shouting, the wreck rocked a little and then, less than a minute after Zoe had disappeared beneath the wreck, he saw the car seat being lifted clear and passed from one set of arms to another. It was carried towards him and suddenly Teo realised that it was actually easy to focus in the messy, dangerous environment. All you needed was a patient who needed you. This car seat had a small body strapped inside it. A baby about twelve months old. A boy who was not only alive but fully conscious. His eyes were wide open and frightened as he looked right back at Teo.
�Put him down here,’ Teo said. He crouched beside the car seat and reached for the central buckle. �Hey, there, little one …’
The driver of the car was freed from the wreckage moments after the baby seat had been extricated.
What a stroke of luck, having a paediatrician on scene. Not that Zoe would have had trouble coping but it was an undeniable relief not to have to deal with a baby just yet. That might well blur the comforting demarcation she was establishing between her private and professional life.
She would far rather attend to the female driver and deal with the life-threatening injuries that were immediately apparent as they transferred her from the back board onto a stretcher. She had a collarbone and ribs that had shattered and caused major lung damage on one side. Zoe had to intubate the woman to secure her airway and then do a needle decompression to relieve the increasing pressure from air and blood accumulating in her chest, which could stop her breathing altogether.
Even then, Zoe wasn’t happy with how well the woman was breathing. Her blood pressure was still dropping as well and that might indicate further internal injuries.
�I’d like to go with her in the chopper,’ she informed Tom when he joined the team assisting her in stabilising this patient for transport. �I’d prefer to monitor that tension pneumothorax myself if the air rescue team don’t mind.’
�We don’t mind,’ one of the helicopter paramedics said over his shoulder. �You can party with us any time, Red.’
Zoe had never liked the nickname, earned thanks to her bright auburn hair colour, but the way it pulled her back in time was welcome. She still belonged in this world. It was Tom who would be most affected, however. �Would you be OK to meet me at the hospital?’ Zoe checked.
�Shouldn’t be a problem. I’ll let Control know, borrow a crew member from one of the other trucks and we’ll transport the baby.’
�Oh …’ It was the first moment Zoe had had to think about the child since her relief in finding it, hanging upside down in the car seat, but conscious and alert. �How’s he doing?’
�Teo’s happy.’
�Teo?’ The name was unusual.
�The paediatrician from the Harbour. Nice guy.’
�Mmm.’ Zoe shifted her gaze. So his name was Teo? She had noticed the dark olive skin, of course, and the broad features that suggested he was Polynesian.
Right now, he had the baby, wrapped in a blanket, in his arms. He didn’t notice Zoe’s glance because he was looking down at the child. And … he was smiling. He was also radiating an aura of calmness. As if it was nothing out of the ordinary to be holding a baby at the scene of a major accident. As if he was actually enjoying it.
She was close enough to be able to hear if the baby was crying and she couldn’t hear even a whimper. Zoe wouldn’t have been the least bit surprised if she’d walked over there to find that the baby was smiling back up at him and, for some inexplicable reason that was irritating.
�What’s the baby’s status?’ It came out almost as a snap.
OK, maybe the reason wasn’t that inexplicable. How was it that this guy—who looked as if he was a rugby star or a bouncer at some night club or something—could make it look as if caring for a baby was easy. Fun, even, when she was a mother, for heaven’s sake, and that kind of calmness or pleasure was … unimaginable.
It took an effort to tune in to what Tom was saying in response to her terse query.
�All checked out fine. Totally protected by the car seat, probably, but he’ll need observing for a while. Teo says he’ll drop into ED as soon as he gets his car clear of this traffic jam and make sure he gets a thorough assessment.’
Zoe turned away from the sight of the big man cuddling an uninjured child. She should thank him for his assistance but she had more important things to do for the moment and maybe she’d catch him later in the ED anyway. She checked the monitor display on the life pack as the helicopter crew secured it to the stretcher her patient was now strapped onto.
�Let’s get moving,’ she said.
�Hold up …’ A police officer was hurrying towards them. �This is her handbag. You might want her details. Her name’s Michelle Drew, aged 34.’
�Thanks.’ Zoe took the bag. �Any next-of-kin details?’
�We’re trying to contact her husband. We’ll direct him to the hospital. You going to the Harbour?’
Zoe nodded, already moving to follow the crew. The stretcher was rolled swiftly to the back of the waiting chopper and then smoothly loaded. The doors were pulled shut and the rotor speed picked up until they lifted clear of the scene for the short run to the central city hospital.
Zoe had to suppress a smile at the adrenaline rush of being airborne as she moved to help monitor this critically ill patient. The smile was still there inside, though, as she took a quick glance down at the scene they were leaving.
She was more than ready for this kind of a party. She had missed this life so much.
The mass of vehicles and people grew rapidly smaller as they gained height but one figure stood out from the rest. The big man with the baby still in his arms. He was looking up, she noticed, watching them take off.
�Pressure’s still dropping,’ The voice came through the earphones in her helmet. �Zoe, can you see if you can get another line in?’
By the time Teo walked back to where he’d parked his car on the motorway shoulder, the traffic was moving again. It took less than thirty minutes for him to get to a parking space at Sydney Harbour Hospital and walk into the state-of-the-art emergency department via the ambulance bay.
The triage nurse, wearing a headset with earphones and a microphone, looked up from directing the latest ambulance arrival to smile at Teo. There were more smiles as he went into the department. He’d learned a long time ago that the medical staff on the front line appreciated that a head of department took an interest in patients from the moment they arrived and, whenever possible, Teo would answer a call for a consult from the paediatric department instead of sending a junior doctor.
He went towards the glass board that had the ever-changing details of what patient was where. A glance to his left showed that the major trauma resuscitation area was crowded with staff. The bright red overalls of the helicopter rescue medics were on one side of the room as they observed what was happening with the patient that had to be the woman from the crushed car. His patient’s mother.
Did that mean that the intensive care paramedic was still here as well? Zoe? He’d seen her leap into the helicopter. Superwoman. Directing a major incident one minute, crawling into a wrecked vehicle the next and then winging her way to the helipad here. Teo hadn’t missed what she’d been doing in between either. The intubation and chest decompression on that woman couldn’t have been easy procedures but they’d been done well and had undoubtedly saved a life.
Zoe wasn’t in the resus area, however. He could see her standing quietly on one side of the huge glass board, scanning it for information. On the other side of the board, at the other end, were two other people, intently in conversation.
Teo knew both of them. Finn Kennedy was a neighbour, of sorts. He had the penthouse in the Kirribilli View Apartments, a nearby complex that many of the staff, including Teo, lived in. Finn was also the director of surgery here at the Harbour and was probably as frequent a visitor to this department as Teo was, but he knew that Finn’s visits were far less welcome. No one could deny Finn’s brilliance but it came with a price. Only the ignorant or very confident would attempt to stand up to this man and the person talking to him right now was definitely in the latter category.
Evie Lockheart, reputedly a rising star amongst the ED doctors, was also a resident at Kirribilli View, where she shared an apartment with another junior doctor, Mia McKenzie. Teo would have known about her anyway, however, because her family had the status of royalty around this place. Evie was the great-granddaughter of the man who had founded this hospital and, according to the rumour mill, it was now her father’s generous contributions that kept the Harbour amongst the most prestigious teaching hospitals in Australia. Teo had heard that there was no love lost between Finn and Evie but what he was seeing right now made him pause.
�Send her to CT first,’ Finn was saying. �I’ll have a theatre free in thirty minutes. It’ll take that long to see what you’re dealing with.’
�It’ll take less time than that for her to crash. She’s got a haemothorax that’s barely under control. We’re losing fluid as fast as we can load it. There’s an arterial bleed going on in there. She’s lost the pulse in her right arm and she could lose the limb if we can’t get in and deal with the damaged artery. Now, Mr Kennedy, not in thirty minutes.’
�And what is it, exactly, that you want from me, Dr Lockheart?’
What indeed? It wasn’t the conversation that was piquing Teo’s interest. It was more the way they were standing.
Too close?
Or maybe it was the way they were looking at each other. If he didn’t know better, he’d think that that kind of eye contact was about something a lot less professional than juggling a theatre queue. It was ridiculous but it was making him feel like he was eavesdropping on a private conversation. Maybe he should step away. But Zoe was here. Was she listening too? A sideways glance seemed to coincide with exactly the same movement from the paramedic. For a split second they held the eye contact and he knew they were on the same wavelength. Teo stepped closer.
�I’ve just come in to check on the baby,’ he said quietly. �Do you know where he is?’
They both turned back to scanning the board. The department was clearly very busy. Dozens of boxes were filled with the scrawl of marker pen.
The voices on the other side of the board were fainter now.
�But didn’t one of your recent edicts stipulate that there would always be a theatre kept free for emergencies from this department?’
Evie Lockheart wasn’t a short woman. In the heels she was wearing now, she was only a few inches shorter than Finn’s six feet or so. And the way she was holding herself at this moment made her seem even taller.
�There is. You’re using it. Plus one of mine for that ruptured spleen you sent up ten minutes ago.’
�You’ve got a patient in Theatre 5 who’s about to go in for an elective procedure that could easily wait. They haven’t started the anaesthetic and they’re standing by for a green light from you to set up for Michelle Drew.’ To her credit, Evie wasn’t sounding smug. In fact, she seemed to have just the right note of reason and deference in her voice. She also sounded extremely persuasive.
Finn wasn’t about to be a soft touch for anyone, especially a pretty young woman. His body language was defensive, to say the least. Was Evie about to have her head bitten off in public for interfering with his job? It hadn’t been that long ago, in the wake of a discussion about funding cuts, that Teo had heard Finn make some disparaging comment about applying for a few more of the Lockheart millions seeing as their princess was currently a member of staff. But while Finn was giving Evie a glare that could have shrivelled steel, he was far too professional to lose his temper in here.
�Fine,’ he snapped. �I’ll sort it.’
Evie’s smile lit up her face. �Fantastic. Thank you so much, Dr Kennedy.’ She whirled away from him, heading back to the trauma resus area.
Finn stared at her back for a moment longer before swinging away himself, to head for the nearest telephone.
�Um …’ Zoe cleared her throat beside Teo. �I think your patient’s in cubicle 4. Look … eleven-month-old boy from MVA. His name is Harry.’
�Cool. I’ll go and see what they’ve found.’ He lowered his voice. �I might need to pull a few strings and get the little guy admitted.’
�Why would you do that?’
Teo didn’t have a chance to answer as a nurse came up to the board with an eraser and a pen. She filled in an empty slot to show that a patient had just come back from CT.
�That was the woman from your scene,’ she told Zoe. �Good job you immobilised her. She’s got cracked vertebrae C4 and 5. Could have ended up quadriplegic if they’d been displaced.’ Then she smiled. �Hi, Teo. We heard you were involved in a bit of action. Your baby’s in cubicle 4 if you want to go and see him.’
�Thanks.’ Teo returned the smile. �And it’s only a rumour, Louise. I’m not really the father.’
Louise giggled. Zoe didn’t even smile. In fact, she was staring at him as if that tiny bit of flirting was just as unprofessional as the spat they’d overheard between Finn and Evie.
Suddenly, it seemed important to do some damage control. �You’re Zoe, aren’t you?’
�Yes. Zoe Harper.’
�We didn’t get the chance for a proper introduction, did we?’ He held out his hand and gave her his best smile. �I’m Teo Tuala.’
Her expression softened. �And I didn’t get the chance to thank you for your assistance.’ Her hand was surprisingly soft. And small. It disappeared completely within his huge, brown paw. Teo gave it a gentle, friendly squeeze and let go.
Behind them, a team of people was swiftly manoeuvring the bed that Michelle Drew lay on towards the internal doors and the lift that would take her up to Theatre.
�How’s she doing?’ Teo asked.
�Touch and go. She really does need to get into surgery.’ Zoe was watching his face. �Why did you say that you’d find a way of admitting the baby even if he didn’t need it?’
Teo rubbed the side of his nose. �That’s not what I said.’
�It sounded like it was what you meant.’
He smiled at her again. �OK, I confess. I want to make sure he’s got family to go to while his mum’s in here. It’s no secret that I’m not a fan of foster-care.’
Zoe’s gaze flicked away. She was looking over his shoulder. �Tom. You ready to hit the road?’
�Absolutely. Hi, Teo. You’ll be happy to know that little Harry’s been cleared. His dad’s on the way here now. And his grandma, apparently.’
�Couldn’t be happier,’ Teo nodded. �I’ll go and see him now before I get any later for my rounds. Good to meet you both.’
Zoe watched him walk away, heading for cubicle 4.
She was trying very hard to suppress a niggly sensation in her gut that had the potential to undermine how good her first day back at work had been promising to be.
She recognised the niggle all too well.
Guilt, that’s what it was.
Good grief. Teo Tuala was prepared to cross professional boundaries if necessary to prevent a child going into temporary foster-care.
What would he think if he knew that she had considered foster-care as an option for her own child?
That she’d gone even further than that and considered giving up her child for adoption?
He’d think she wasn’t fit to be a mother.
And maybe she’d have to agree with him.
CHAPTER TWO
�OH …no!’
The baby’s face puckered in dismay at the tone of Zoe’s voice. Hastily, she picked her up and held her, patting the tiny back. �It’s OK, Emma. Don’t cry. Please don’t cry.’ She alternated the pats with some soothing circles. �Come on, we’ll find a clean suit for you and we can still be on time for our appointments.’
It took no time at all to find what she needed in Emma’s room. Stretchy suits and singlets were folded and sorted according to size and colour in the dresser drawers. The change table was clean to the point of sterility with the wipes, creams and disposable nappies neatly encased in the plastic partitions of the slide-out drawer.
�No more spit-ups,’ Zoe commanded, snapping the fasteners on the clean, pink suit.
Emma waved chubby fists and grinned up at her mother. Zoe sighed but stretched out to smooth back wisps of golden hair from the baby’s forehead. �At least you look like someone really loves you.’
Zoe loved her. She did. The only problem was that the realisation was in her head and not in her heart. She knew she loved her daughter. She just couldn’t feel it.
There was no time to change her own shirt. Zoe dabbed at the milky stain with a wet cloth and then abandoned the attempt. Emma had an appointment at the paediatric clinic for a routine check-up. Zoe had an appointment with her psychologist, John Allen, which was hopefully also routine but being late for either appointment was not an option. She had to convince everybody that things were going brilliantly on the home front otherwise John might change his mind about it being a good idea for her to be back at work part time.
And it might have been only a few days since she’d started work again but Zoe already knew that it was the way forward for both herself and Emma. She wouldn’t survive being a full-time mother on her own. Not now, when she’d been reminded of the person she’d once been. Not while the memories were still so fresh of how hard it had been in the mothering unit when she’d had support available 24/7.
With the confidence that stepping back into her old life for limited periods was providing, she was getting stronger. She could leave her failures behind her when she was on the road and, when she was at home, she could go through the motions of being a perfect mother and only she knew that she was counting the hours until she could be away from her child again.
Besides, she wanted to be a mother that someone could be proud of. There was nothing wrong with that, was there?
Emma’s car seat had a handle with several brightly coloured toys attached by elastic cords. When the soft toys were tugged they made noises. The yellow duck quacked and the lime-green frog croaked. The cow bell was proving popular this morning and it jingled at regular intervals as Zoe drove towards Sydney Harbour Hospital. The noise could have become irritating but Zoe had other things to worry about.
Pulling up at a set of traffic lights, she checked the nappy bag on the passenger seat beside her. Had she remembered the bottle of formula? After spitting up half her breakfast, Emma could well be hungry again by the time they got to the paediatric clinic’s waiting room. The last thing Zoe needed was having to try and cope with a fractious baby under the watchful gaze of all the other mothers who would be there.
Mothers who would probably all be like that dreadful support group John had talked her into going to on one occasion. Women who adored their babies and knew what they were doing. Women who never ever felt an inkling of the panic and despair that Zoe had lived with every day since Emma’s birth five months ago.
Before that, even. Well before that. Right back in the earliest stages of this whole nightmare when she had agonised over whether even to continue with the pregnancy or not. And when it had all become too much and James had simply walked away. Not that she could blame him. They’d been doing no more than dating casually when she’d become pregnant and while they’d tried to make a go of a relationship, there had been no way James was cut out to deal with the emotional wreck Zoe had morphed into.
Just like her mother.
Oh … rubbish. Zoe parked the car and made a determined effort to park that train of thought at the same time. If she didn’t she might blurt something out in her session with John and that would be worse than having Emma screaming inconsolably in the waiting room. She wasn’t going to discuss her mother with anyone. She wasn’t even going to allow herself to think about her.
The waiting area was packed to the gills this morning. The place was cluttered with prams and strollers, toddlers fighting over the rather sad collection of toys available and babies crying. One distressed infant was pacified quickly by the offer of a breastfeed and Teo smiled at the mother.
Another baby was crying more loudly. Teo took a glance over his shoulder before he disappeared into the examination room.
And then he paused with his hand halfway to pushing the door open and took another look.
It couldn’t be.
But it was.
Zoe Harper was in the waiting area and it was her baby who was distressed. Zoe was pacing back and forth, with the infant upright in her arms, tucked against her shoulder. Her head was bent, almost as if she was shielding the baby from view but Teo could see the way Zoe was scanning the area in an oddly furtive manner. She seemed embarrassed that her baby was crying but why? That’s what babies did. It was part of their job description.
Maybe Zoe wasn’t, in fact, the mother.
Teo dismissed the thought as he entered the examination room. Either the woman he’d seen in total command of a major incident the other day had an identical twin or Zoe had been left in charge of someone else’s baby. Her sister, or a friend perhaps, who’d ducked off to go to the loo. That would explain the total lack of confidence he had sensed.
It took only a minute or two to confirm that his registrar had, indeed, picked up an abnormal murmur in a toddler’s heart sounds. It took several more to reassure the parents that it wasn’t necessarily anything to panic about but then Teo was able to leave the room, confident that his registrar could arrange the urgent tests needed so they would know exactly what they were dealing with. He knew he’d been a little abrupt compared to the time he would normally have spent on a consult like this but he would see the parents again as soon as the results came in.
And he had the strongest desire to check the waiting room again on his way back up to the ward.
This was Zoe’s worst nightmare.
The clinic appointments were running late, the area was getting more and more crowded and she just couldn’t stop Emma crying. It felt like it had been going on for hours now and the looks she was getting from other mothers had gone from sympathetic to pitying to frankly annoyed. Emma’s shrieks had changed as well and the wails were now interspersed with that hiccupping sort of sound that advertised pure misery.
She’d changed her nappy, cuddled her, walked her up and down and now she was trying to feed her with the bottle of formula she’d mixed before leaving. Emma was having none of it. Her tiny hands were shoving at the bottle containing milk that had a totally unacceptable lack of warmth and small legs were kicking in outrage. Zoe could feel herself being watched. She could feel her face flushing and her shoulders hunching.
�Please, Emma,’ she whispered. �Please have a drink.’
Her baby’s face took on a deeper crimson hue as Emma went rigid in her arms, arching her little back to produce the loudest crying Zoe had ever heard. What was wrong with her? What was she doing that was so wrong? Despair was enveloping her now and, to her horror, Zoe felt tears slipping down her own cheeks. She squeezed her eyes shut as she sensed someone approaching. A staff member, probably, coming to take her child away and give it to someone who could be a better mother.
The touch of a hand on her shoulder was so unexpected that Zoe’s eyes snapped open. And then she blinked. Crouched in front of her, so that he was on the same eye level, was Teo Tuala. He wasn’t looking at her as if she was some kind of a monster mother either. He was smiling.
�Someone’s not happy,’ he said. �Maybe I can help?’
Zoe had noticed what a big man Teo was but having him hunched in front of her like this made him seem like a huge, solid rock of a man. And he had the most extraordinarily dark brown eyes. Eyes that reflected his smile but with a depth that told her he understood that it wasn’t just the baby that was so unhappy.
And he wanted to help. Zoe’s brain provided a snapshot of the day she’d met Teo. When he had been standing in the middle of a chaotic accident scene holding a stranger’s baby and looking as if it was nothing out of the ordinary. As if there was nothing about babies he couldn’t cope with. Enjoy, even.
Something else came with that flash of memory. An instinctive sureness that she could trust him. And he was a paediatrician. Something had to be wrong with Emma for her to be crying like this. Without giving herself any time to think of the possible consequences, Zoe pushed her baby towards him. She didn’t say a word. She couldn’t. If she opened her mouth she would probably start sobbing as hard as her tiny daughter was.
Teo didn’t even blink. He took Emma and made her look as tiny as a newborn in his big arms. He got to his feet and peered down at the baby as he rocked her.
�What’s the story, little one?’ he asked casually. �It’s not so bad around here, really.’
Emma hiccupped, staring up at this new person. And then, miraculously, she stopped howling.
Zoe could hear the sigh of relief coming from more than one of the other mothers around her.
And she had never felt more of a failure. She’d been doing her very best here for so long and it had taken less than thirty seconds for someone else to soothe her baby. A man.
She couldn’t look at Teo. She stared down at the bottle of unwanted milk in her hands, her vision blurred by tears.
�Hey …’
Teo was still smiling, she could hear it in his voice. It was a gentle, soothing word that meant nothing but managed to contain an entire message. A �here we are and it’s not really all that bad, is it?’ kind of message.
Emma was probably smiling back at him by now.
�Zoe?’
Looking up, Zoe knew instantly that the �Hey’ had been directed at her and not Emma. But she couldn’t respond. He might think things weren’t so bad because Emma had stopped crying but, for her, things were even worse.
And he knew that. Holding Emma securely with one arm, he reached down and picked up the handle of the car seat. �Come with us,’ he invited softly. �You can bring the bag.’
Zoe still felt she could explode with the emotion she was trying to contain but she had no choice. She had to follow because �us’ was this paediatrician and her baby. And everybody, absolutely everybody in this waiting room, was watching. All the mothers, a sprinkling of fathers, the receptionists and nursing staff behind the desk. Even the older children present were all staring.
But not at her, Zoe realised. They were all watching Teo and the majority of watchers had smiles on their faces.
Because Emma was finally quiet?
Because the sight of such a masculine figure holding a small baby was guaranteed to tug at heartstrings?
Or did it have something to do with the fact that this particular masculine figure was so good looking? It was more than the combination of even features and glossy black hair. There was something about the way Teo handled his size. The grace that came from not only confidence but a relaxed way of looking at life. And it was about the way he smiled so easily and the way he could see solutions rather than problems.
Zoe wasn’t the only person following Teo. A little boy had abandoned the toy he’d been playing with and was trotting purposefully in the wake of the big man. His mother had to jump up and catch him before they reached the door.
Teo led her out of the waiting room and along a corridor. Then he opened the door of a room marked �Private’. There were comfortable chairs in here, a change table, a big basket of toys and a tiny kitchenette. The coffee table had a large box of tissues on it.
�This is a room reserved for families who need a bit of time out or a special consultation,’ Teo told her. �It was a bit crowded out there, wasn’t it?’
Zoe’s nod was jerky. Her tears had stopped for the moment but she heard herself sniff. She pulled a few tissues from the box, blew her nose and then dabbed at her eyes, hoping Teo wouldn’t notice.
He didn’t appear to. He was looking down at Emma. �So who’s this little sweetheart?’ he asked.
�Her name’s Emma.’
�She’s, what, about six months old?’
�Nearly.’
�And … she’s yours?’
�Yes.’ Zoe had noticed the hesitation and it made her feel ashamed. Was the lack of a normal mother-child bond so obvious?
Emma chose that moment to start grizzling, too, as if the confirmation that Zoe was her mother was disturbing. Zoe stared down at the bottle of milk she was still carrying.
�You could heat that up a bit,’ Teo suggested. �There’s a microwave over there beside the coffee-making stuff.’
�We can’t stay.’
�Why not?’
�Emma’s got an appointment at the clinic. We’ve been waiting for ages so it must be nearly her turn.’
�That’s not a problem. I can make sure she gets seen. Is there something you’re worried about?’
�No. It’s just a routine check-up.’
�So it’s not urgent.’
�Well, no … except …’
�Except what?’ Teo prompted.
�I … um … I’ve got an appointment myself. At 10.30.’
�Obstetric?’
�No.’ Zoe didn’t want to tell him. She could feel the flush of embarrassment colouring her cheeks. It was one of the worst things about being a redhead, the way blushes came so quickly.
�Sit down, just for a minute,’ Teo said. �Please. You won’t be late. This clinic goes on for hours and you can always bring her back after you’ve been … wherever it is you need to go.’
He could see a solution for everything. And it didn’t matter if she didn’t want to tell him anything. In the short silence that followed, Teo sat down in one of the chairs. Emma was quiet again. She looked as if she’d fallen asleep in his arms, too exhausted by her misery to remember she was hungry. Zoe sank down onto the edge of another armchair, feeling defeated. There was no point in denying she had a problem. Teo had seen it for himself. He had been prepared to help her in what had been her worst moment for a very long time. He deserved some honesty.
�I have an appointment with John Allen,’ she admitted. �He’s a—’
�Clinical psychologist,’ Teo nodded. �I know John well. He’s a good friend. He and his wife Susie live in the apartment next to mine.’
Oh … help. Zoe took in a shaky gulp of air. �I’d rather he didn’t know about what you saw in the waiting room.’
Teo looked curious. �What did I see?’
�Someone who was being a miserable failure trying to look after her baby,’ Zoe muttered.
Teo shook his head. �I saw a mother doing her best in difficult circumstances. Babies are very good at picking up vibes. What I didn’t see was anyone offering you any kind of assistance and I have to say that was disappointing. This is my department and I’m going to have something to say about that at the next staff meeting. You know what?’
�No …’ Zoe’s response was cautious. She couldn’t believe he was being so non-judgmental. Giving her credit, even, for the meltdown he’d rescued them from.
�I think I’ll send out a memo. I can do that, cos I’m head of department here. Someone might even read it and take some notice.’ Teo’s smile was fading and his tone became a lot more serious. �I saw something else, too,’ he added.
Oh, no … he was the head of the paediatric department? If he did say something to his friend John, her psychologist would certainly take some notice. Zoe gnawed on her bottom lip, hoping she didn’t look as anxious as she was now feeling. What else had he noticed?
�I saw someone who lacked confidence in what she was doing,’ Teo said gently. �And while there’s nothing unusual in that when it comes to first-time mothers, in your case it astonished me.’
Zoe wished the floor would just open up and swallow her. This was unbearable.
�You want to know why?’
Not really, Zoe wanted to say. She didn’t want to hear about just how inept she had looked.
Teo took her silence for assent. �Because I saw you for the first time only a few days ago and you know what?’
�No …’ Zoe almost smiled. She could play this conversational game, especially if he was going to say something nice after getting her to admit her ignorance about what he was going to say.
�I thought you were Superwoman.’
Zoe blinked. �What?’
�Superwoman,’ Teo repeated. �There you were, directing that accident scene, hurling yourself into a mangled wreck of a car, showing off some not inconsiderable skills in getting that woman’s airway and breathing sorted, and then you jumped into a helicopter and took off. All in all, it was a breathtaking performance. You should be proud of yourself.’
It was more than a nice thing to say. Zoe could feel an unfamiliar glow happening inside. She was feeling proud of herself. For the first time in so long. She ducked her head, embarrassed by the sincere praise. Or maybe it was the frank admiration she could see in those dark eyes that was so disconcerting.
�You made it look easy,’ Teo continued. �Just another day at work.’
�It was. Kind of …’
�Kind of?’
�It was my first day back since … oh, since I was about six months pregnant and I was beginning to think I’d never be allowed to go back.’
�Why not?’
�Because … um … I got postnatal depression after Emma was born.’ There. She’d said it. She risked a quick glance at his face. The admiration would be gone, for sure. Probably replaced with that wary look people got at the mere whiff of mental illness.
But Teo’s face hadn’t changed. �Badly?’
Zoe stared down at her hands. �Yeah … I got hospitalised and given some pretty heavy-duty drugs. And then I went into a mothering unit for a while. I’m back home now but … it’s still hard.’
�Of course it is. Being a mother is hard enough without the extra challenge of PND.’
Zoe just nodded, glancing at her watch. If she left now, she could still make her appointment with John in time, but she didn’t want to leave Teo with this negative image of her. It would be far better if he continued thinking of her as Superwoman.
�When I’m at work,’ she confided shyly, �I’m me. The me I used to be. The me I recognise. It’s when I’m at home that it’s different and it’s in places like this when I know the other mothers are watching me and judging me that it’s the hardest of all.’
She looked up at smiled. �Thank you for helping,’ she said quietly. �I don’t think you know how much it means.’
�It was a pleasure, Zoe. I’m sure you’ve got a ton of friends supporting you but if you ever need an extra, I’ll be here.’
�Thanks.’ Zoe wasn’t about to tell him that all her friends were in the ambulance service, mostly younger than her, and being in the company of a baby was only marginally less attractive than being in the company of a depressed woman. Let him think she was popular and well supported—in between her stints as Superwoman.
The fantasy was so far from the truth it was amusing enough to bring a genuine smile to her face as she took Emma and tucked her back into her car seat. Emma, bless her, didn’t wake up. Then she shoved the things threatening to spill from the pockets of the nappy bag back into place and she was ready to go.
�Can you manage all that?’ Teo asked. �I could wander up with you, if you like.’
�No, thanks.’ The last thing Zoe wanted was for John to realise she had a connection to someone he knew on a personal basis. Professional confidentiality was all very well but it didn’t apply between doctors, did it? �I can manage.’
�Of course you can.’ Teo smiled again as he held the door open for her. �What I will do is have a word with the receptionist. They’ll slot you in for Emma’s appointment as soon as you get back from seeing John.’
Teo was busy for the rest of the morning and all afternoon that day.
A three-year-old boy, Timmy, who’d been burnt by climbing into a bath of scaldingly hot water was in the paediatric intensive care unit. Teo was part of the team led by Luke Williams that was having to deal with the complications of hypovolaemic shock caused by fluid loss from the burns. It was the child’s kidney function that was causing concern today and haemodialysis had to be added to the plethora of procedures that was keeping the small boy alive.
Timmy’s mother was beside herself with guilt and fear.
�I had to feed the baby,’ she sobbed. �I had no idea that Timmy was trying to be helpful and run his own bath. I always, always run the cold tap first and then add hot water. I thought he was watching TV in the lounge room. The baby’s got colic and she’s really hard work after a feed.’
Teo could only listen and imagine how hard this had to be for her. There was no point in laying blame when it could only make things worse for everyone.
�His dad walked out on us when I got pregnant again. One kid was bad enough, he said. He couldn’t handle having two.’
Teo made a sympathetic sound but part of his mind was wandering. Where was Emma’s dad? Zoe hadn’t mentioned a partner and he’d heard what sounded like a fierce determination to cope with her own situation. On her own. Had she been wearing a ring? He made a mental note to have a look next time he saw her.
Except he had no reason to see her again, had he?
The realisation was curiously disappointing and it stayed with him for the rest of the day as he did his rounds, checking on his small patients and comforting distressed parents. Zoe intrigued him. That she could be so competent in one area of her life and so lost in another made it seem like there had to be a key to unlocking the barrier dividing the areas. And it was sad that it was the home and family side that she was struggling with because Teo knew that was, by far, the most important part of anybody’s life. If Zoe could find it, she might not feel the need to be at work at all during this crucial stage of bonding with her baby and then, later, she could have the best of both worlds.
The final task of his day took him back to the paediatric outpatient clinic. Empty of patients now, there was only a cleaner pushing a vacuum cleaner around the chairs and a weary-looking receptionist filing paperwork at the desk.
�Busy day, huh?’ He smiled at the receptionist. This wasn’t the time to take anybody to task for leaving a distressed mother and child without assistance while they had been waiting.
�It was a nightmare,’ the receptionist said. �One registrar got called away for something on the ward and another had to deal with a kid who had an epileptic seizure in the toilets and we were running so late.’
�Did Zoe Harper come back again with Emma?’
�Yes.’ The girl gave him a curious glance. �Is she a friend of yours?’
Teo didn’t have time to respond. The cleaner was coming towards the desk.
�I found this under the chair over there,’ the older woman said, holding out a leather wallet.
�Oh, my goodness.’ The receptionist took the wallet. �Thank you so much. Someone’s probably worried sick about this.’ She opened the wallet. It had a pocket at the back for notes and slots for credit cards on the other side. In the middle was a plastic-covered pocket for a driver’s licence. �Zoe Harper,’ she said in astonishment. �Good thing you’re here, Dr Tuala.’
�Is it?’
�Well, she’s a friend of yours. You could take it back to her.’
�I could.’ Teo’s tone was confident. Surely there’d be something in the wallet that would have her address on it? He could drop it off on his way home. He would get to see Zoe again. Even better, he could find out whether she had some support at home in the form of a partner.
He held out his hand for the wallet. �I’m on my way home right now,’ he said. �Consider it sorted.’
CHAPTER THREE
THE knock on the door couldn’t have come at a worse time.
Zoe was sitting in the tiny living room of her terraced cottage in one of Sydney’s older suburbs. Emma had been bathed and changed and had just started her final feed for the evening. And, for once, it was going well. Sucking on her bottle, she lay in the crook of Zoe’s arm, staring up at her mother. The memories of the awful morning they’d had in that waiting room were finally beginning to ebb away.
Zoe couldn’t help jumping at the sound of the knock. Nobody came visiting at this time of day.
Her first thought was that it could be James and she didn’t want to see him. There’d been undeniable relief on both sides when they’d decided to call it quits on their relationship. James had generously gifted her his share of the hefty deposit they’d put down on this cottage.
�Consider it child support,’ he’d suggested. �That way, we can go our own ways with no hard feelings.’
The gesture had been very generous, considering that Zoe had inherited a piece of land from her grandmother that was probably worth a lot now. Not that she’d had a chance to think about what to do with it with everything else that was happening in her life.
Even worse than it being James, there was the faint possibility it could be one of her parents, given that she had finally written to them to inform them that they were grandparents. But she hadn’t expected a reply to the letter, let alone a personal appearance. They would see the fact that she was unmarried with a baby as further evidence of the trouble she’d caused from the moment she’d been born. Besides, how many years had it been since her mother had even left the house?
Zoe didn’t know because she hadn’t been in contact with them since she’d come to Sydney at the age of eighteen to start her training as a paramedic. That had been nearly ten years ago.
The possibilities flashed through her head so fast, she had considered them both by the time the knocking stopped. Both were enough to make her feel incredibly tense. Emma was still staring up at her but her contented sucking had stopped. She jerked her head back and the teat of the bottle sprang free and sent a spray of milk onto Zoe’s face. Emma’s face was crumpling ominously as a second knock came. Louder and more commanding than the first.
Her heart sinking, Zoe got to her feet. Emma would be howling by the time she got to the door. If someone was going to try and sell her an encyclopaedia or something, it could very well be the final straw.
It wasn’t James. It wasn’t her father and, thank goodness, it wasn’t her mother.
That it was Teo Tuala rendered Zoe completely speechless. He had something in his hand that he was holding out towards her.
�The cleaner found this in the waiting room,’ he said. �Good thing you had your driver’s licence in it. Even better that it had your address on it too.’
�Good grief … I thought I’d left it in the car. I was going to go and look for it when I got Emma off to sleep.’
Which wouldn’t be any time soon. Emma was rubbing her nose against Zoe’s shoulder and her wails were increasing in strength.
�I was just feeding her.’ Zoe couldn’t help sounding defensive. �She was perfectly happy a moment ago.’
�And I interrupted by pounding on the door. Sorry.’
Teo really did have the most glorious smile. It radiated charm with a good helping of contrition this time.
�I’ll get back to it, then.’ Zoe had Emma in her arms. She also still had the bottle in her hand. She hesitated for a second, wondering how to take hold of the wallet. �Would you mind putting it on the hall table?’
�Not at all.’ Teo followed her in. He closed the door behind him. He looked around. �Nice place,’ he said. �I love these cottages. I live in a modern apartment block but only because it’s handy for the hospital. I’ve got a house in Samoa, right by the beach.’
�Oh …’ Zoe had an instant image of a tropical paradise. �Do you get back there often?’
�I go back for a week every couple of months. I like to help out at the local hospital as much as I can.’ His smile had a wry curl. �It used to be to see all my relatives as well but a whole bunch of them live over here now and the others all come to visit. I’ve got my favourite cousin and her brood arriving tomorrow.’
He had a voice that was just like his personality, Zoe thought. Deep and rich and warm. It was relaxing to listen to. Even Emma seemed to like it. She was still grizzling but the head rubbing was slower. Suddenly, the awkward thought in the back of her head that she would have to usher Teo out when he seemed happy to stay and talk just melted away.
�Would you like a coffee or something?’ she asked. �It’s the least I can do to thank you for coming all this way with my wallet.’
�That would be great.’
�I’ll just need to finish feeding Emma first.’
�No worries.’ Teo followed her into the living area. There was only the one couch in here. Zoe sat on one end, feeling the tilt of the cushions as Teo took the other end. He was so big, it meant that they were sitting very close together. Zoe pushed the awareness away. She tipped Emma back and offered her the bottle again.
Emma pulled away from the teat, turning her head one way and then the other. Her face got steadily redder as she gathered strength to let Zoe know that this was not going to work.
�I could have a go at that, if you’d like.’ Teo’s tone said it didn’t matter in the least if she didn’t like the idea. �Seeing as it was my fault her supper got interrupted.’
He was offering to rescue her again. Because he thought she was pathetic?
�That way, you could make the coffee.’ She could see a hint of mischief in his smile now. �I haven’t had one since about nine o’clock this morning and I’m having serious caffeine withdrawal.’
Not only was he offering to help, he was making it seem like she was doing him a favour. And did it matter if he thought she was pathetic? Judging by the way he’d handled Emma that morning, Teo was more likely to be successful in getting her fed and settled for the night. And if Emma settled, she would have a good sleep and be easier to look after tomorrow. Zoe would get a good sleep herself. She stamped on the pride or the need to prove herself or whatever it was preventing her from accepting her visitor’s help.
�That would be great,’ she said, deliberately echoing Teo’s acceptance of her offer of coffee. She handed over her baby and then the bottle. �How do you like your coffee?’
�Dash of milk and two sugars.’
Zoe grinned. �Good to see a medical professional setting such a healthy example.’
�My aunties think I’m fading away. They give me six sugars. I’m in a programme to wean myself of the addiction.’ The skin around the corners of his eyes was crinkling into well-worn smile lines. �Hello, my name is Teo Tuala and I’m a sugarholic.’
A snort of laughter escaped Zoe, which made Emma’s head turn. She looked surprised enough to have forgotten why she was crying. Teo eased the teat of the bottle into her open mouth and she turned back, sucking vigorously and reaching up with her hands to help hold the bottle.
�That’s the ticket,’ Teo said approvingly. �Good girl, Emma.’
It didn’t take Zoe long to make the coffee but by the time she brought two steaming mugs back from the adjacent kitchen, Emma had finished her milk. Teo had her upright on his shoulder, and was rubbing her back. Seconds later, Emma burped loudly.
Zoe shook her head at the ease with which Teo was going through the routine.
�How do you know so much about babies?’
�I’m a paediatrician.’ Teo grinned. �There was a class or two about babies, as I recall. I might have even read a book.’
Zoe didn’t return the smile. �I’m a mother,’ she said. �And I’ve read every book there is. I can’t handle Emma that well.’
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